If I could transform it all, I’d go back in time. I’d pour my heart out, grasp you, show you this ubiquitous love, -make you mine. These callous thoughts that clench my brain, seizing my emotions will be my forever existing bane.
I believe it was there at one point. I feel it now. A mirage is something that I know couldn’t shade me then. If I close the eyes to the world, my memories of your face set against the rutilant flames of the night, light up my heart, give me a hope that all is right.
This tabula rasa of the mind that formed into a lifeless limp creature breathing for desire, wanting to feel. To be this way, this recondite of hurting, painful nothingness that wants something real. I bite at lips til they bleed salty tears. Just feel. Flowing reddening blood, wash away all my fears. Just allow me to feel.
You could have given me this, been a savior of sorts. I would go with you then, I halfway pine for it now. If you could see the woeful confusion, twisted mien that I wear everyday, when I speak your name or ponder what could have been.
Don’t leave me alone in this forest of emptiness, my lover, my beautiful friend. Beating my head upon this shattered glass, just hating myself for ruining it. I want that earnest aura, I want it all, please bring me away from here.
And if you don’t, if you journey on, just know that if I could have, I would have in my own way if I were free. And may you be content, encompassed with joyful love more than you could have possibly been with me.