-I always remember my grandmother using this quote when times were tough.
Here I am saying I’m going to write in my blog at least once a week and now it’s been over two weeks since I’ve last been on here. In my defense, I’ve had dreadful internet at work (our new office building is having issues) so that’s been one factor. Another, not so much in my defense, would be that I’ve just been in a slump. I haven’t had the energy or desire to write at all. I can’t even seem to find the drive to work on my creative writing, even though that usually can be an escape for me. I’m just in one of those “I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going” state of minds.
My relationship has gone pretty sour. I take a good bit of blame of course, but I can’t help but feel like I’m trying to make things work. But when one person tries and the other doesn’t…it will never be fixed. I’ve never been in love, despite the many relationships I’ve been in, and I’m not sure I actually can. That’s always been a frustration for me because I watch the world fall in love around me, and yet despite the wonderful people I’ve had in my life, I just can’t ever get to that point. I have no idea what it feels like.
As delightful as LA can be, I also find myself tiring of the fast paced empty Hollywood lifestyle that comes with the entertainment business and I’ve had this strong desire to just pack up and leave it all behind. I find myself becoming so drained by the alcoholic infused parties with the shallow minds and banter and games that are continually played. Having to act a certain way and look a certain way, it has a very claustrophobic feel. I get this urge to just runaway somewhere full of big beautiful land where I can have as many animals as I want. I can finally buy that horse I’ve longed for since I was a child and I can grow gardens full of vegetables and swim in the ocean, or gaze at the mountains.
Yeah, so that slump that probably happens in most people’s lives has kind of hit me at the moment. Who I am kidding though? I’m always in a slump. Just call me Ms. Misery. But once I figure out a way to break through- and find what I really want to do and where I want to be in life- I bet it’s a lovely feeling.